Blind Faith...

You know that uneasy feeling you can get sometimes? It’s just a feeling that something isn’t right at all with something… you can’t quite put your finger on it, but something isn’t right. Then, you spend time picking at things. Thinking about what maybe going on…, “Did I forget to pay a bill, Did I leave something personal laying around I shouldn’t have, Did I accidentally call someone last week in my drunkenness, or Is someone doing something they shouldn’t be doing that may hurt if I found out…?”
So…the last question is a little more specific. I have found that the closer you get to someone the more you know if they are behaving differently, or doing something weird. You may never know what a person is thinking, but the closer you get – the more you can almost make a good guess at the thoughts in his head. The person doesn’t have to say much, but things change. Subtle changes occur. He begins being a little more secretive… something that was once so close becomes a little more distant. You make it a point to be as open as possible to hopefully allow the person a safe place to actually feel comfortable in – or to express himself freely. This doesn’t work. I guess by now you are thinking, “just ask the person what’s going on.” Let’s just take that as something so logical, that it has already been done.
What’s the next step? Do you trust the response of, “nothing’s wrong, or what are you talking about?” I guess you really have no choice. It all depends on the relationship. Right? Well, what if information pops up that suggests that something is going wrong… something different is happening, or may happen? Do you trust that information, regardless of how it was gotten, or do you trust the person?
This is a tough one, but the answer should be obvious. I guess when it comes down to it… our trust in another person is developed. Once the trust is broken - by that information you found that was undisputable evidence – how long can you go off of blind faith in a person?
We are asked to have faith in God, Who we can’t see. I imagine that those of us, who believe, do have this faith. But, when a person – a human – capable of mistakes and dishonesty asks for us to have faith… should we have such faith in people?
There is no easy answer. I want to say yes, but the world is full of liars, thieves, and malicious people. So, naturally, we don’t trust the stranger on the street at first meeting. What about that person you are so close to? The person’s mind you can read, as I said earlier? Do you trust him with blind faith? The answer for me is yes… but, once the trust is broken it is. Then this faith in this person, this trust, must be earned again. Makes sense, right? However, if the person doesn’t know that the trust is broken… how can he begin to earn trust again? How can he even begin to remove the hurt that was caused by some information he doesn’t even know you have? He can’t.
So, the grudge that you are holding on to – makes no sense to anyone but you…
I don’t have a good way to end this blog, but I feel I am at the end. Main points: communication works wonders, trust can make a good relationship stronger, faith that the other person will remain faithful is golden – but it is so hard to have such faith sometimes…

I Want it for Free!!

I know that life doesn’t give you what you want all the time, but it sure is good when you get freebies just randomly. The guy at Starbucks screws up your herbal tea (how I really don’t know, because it is just hot water and a tea bag). Then you hear those magical words, “don’t worry about it. It’s on me.” You offer to pay, because that is the considerate thing to do, but really… you don’t want to pay for that tea. Sorry coffee people, but I don’t drink the stuff anymore. So, this example had to be done with tea. Fill in the blanks to fit your needs. My point is that we all want free stuff, but we don’t want to have to ask for it. The free stuff that is given without a thought and unexpectedly is the best! However, this free stuff is the limited kind.

We never really hope people screw up on our food, drinks, monogramming, clothing alterations, dry cleaning, and whatever other things we have done with hopes that it comes out right. But, when the slip up happens, we expect to be appeased with something to acknowledge the error. And, we want something to make right the wrong. Should we really expect these wrongs to be made right on such a small level, when often times we don’t make right the wrongs in our personal life?

I am in no way asking everyone to treat serious issues in life as if they are equal to food flub ups at Olive Garden, but I am asking you to consider looking at some situations in a similar way.

Forgiveness is totally free, but we have the option to accept or give forgiveness. I would imagine that a person would want forgiveness, especially if they have done something wrong. However, the person who is supposed to forgive always seems to be a bit more stubborn. But why? The situations and actions that involve forgiveness are as simple as the Starbucks tea situation. The barista, that’s what they call these wonderful coffee and tea makers, messes up. He or she realizes this and tells you, the customer. Then, he or she offers you a free beverage in hopes that the issue will be resolved with this kind gesture.

I used to hold on to my anger and hurt – you know – keeping it all inside. I may have said I forgave or wasn’t offended, but I really hadn’t let go. Now, I look back and wonder why it was so hard. Some of the situations I can’t really remember entirely, but I still held on to a quiet bitterness against that person when I saw him or her. I just kept making things more difficult than what they needed to be. I had to sincerely let go. The situations were all the same. My friends explained to me what happened, and I listened. Apologies were offered, and as a courtesy to not make things more difficult… I “forgave.” I still left the room feeling hurt, sad, mad, or whatever. I had not really forgiven.

How could I so easily forgive the guy who screwed up my drink, just because he gave me something free, when my friends and family have given me one of the greatest freebies ever – unconditional love and support? Something to think about…

Electricity

I’ve been thinking lately about relationships, and how two people really have to be “on the same page,” or “in sync.” I guess the difference in both individuals is what makes the relationship worth while. Seriously, would anyone want to date themselves? Myself and I would break up probably after a day, if we lasted that long.

The excitement, I guess, comes from having someone else in your life that understands you; someone that gets you, and still wants to be around at the end of the day. We aren’t obligated to stay with one another, but the relationship – as it grows – connects two to make you feel as if you have to be with the other person. You have to be with that other person regardless of their screw ups, regardless of the personality differences, and regardless of what ever else is going on in the world. The connection – which could be love in some cases – makes it impossible to really separate from someone you connect with. I am not saying that everyone that connects with another is bound to that person for life, but should you separate… I am sure it will be hard, long, and painful for awhile.

I’ve been going through life (all 20+ years of it) trying to fit my three prong piece into five, six, two, or four prong sockets. You would think that this game of relationship and (I guess) love wouldn’t be so difficult; especially since I already know my prong size (ha!)… But, for some reason I keep/kept trying everything else. Similar to the big chick trying to wear a small baby tee; no matter how pretty that baby tee looks on the table in the Gap, it just isn’t going to work on you.

Either way, with any socket you have to have the right piece to go in… which allows a transfer of electricity to flow. Right? I maybe wrong, but I just assumed that the pieces had to fit for the right transfer of a current to happen. And, even though the pieces must fit – they don’t look the same. No two people are the same, but they have to fit for the relationship to work. I guess this is my point, which I attempted to make in a round about analogy, that even in differences the best companionship can exits. Without that connection… there is no flow of energy… no emotion, or spark. Hopefully, at the end of the day the spark will be there.

I Change All the Time

I decided to delete all my old blog posts, and start anew. I began reading some of my posts, and just felt that they were something of the past. I guess I do random and sporadic things like that all the time. I have no special first blog introduction this time, and I refuse to attempt to think of one. I will just write.
Back to random and sporadic things… obviously deleting blog posts is not that serious of a judgment call. The only loss is a few good stories. However, when situations become more serious the sporadic can be a problem (I guess I am focusing less on the random. Maybe that focus can happen another time). The sporadic change has to come from some impulse inside. You know, the guy who all of a sudden quits his job to start something new; or the woman who decides that her suburban life is not as much fun as she thought, and she jumps ship to move to the nearest city. The youngster in college who just says, “This isn’t for me.” And, then goes on to pursue a career in the arts. We all know the starving artist story. I am sure we all can think of a more morbid example, but I prefer not to go there tonight.
But, is the sporadic in situations, especially life changing situations, really fitting to the definition of the word? Did the people who chose an alternative path toward something everyone else did not expect do it sporadically? Or, did these individuals always wake up in the morning thinking, “I wish I had more fun in my life; I wish I could start my own business and quit this job; I wish my life had more meaning?” Surely the change in the person didn’t happen over night regardless of the on the spot action taken by the individual.
The truth is we are all always thinking about our lives. We are all thinking about the situations we find ourselves in daily. We think about our happiness, and seek to find ways to get to more happiness in our lives. We think about the sad times, and what led to those times. We think about change. The change can be as simple as buying wheat bread instead of white. No matter what the change or thought…. Our actions come out of efforts to move toward happiness, away from sadness, and to progress toward change. The action comes at an instant, when the light bulb comes on. A sporadic action, irregular to what one normally does – but, is done in an effort to achieve success from a thought in your mind for days; weeks; months; years…